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Mark Poloncarz Plays Pontius Pilate in Broadway Market Drama

Pilate

County Executive Mark Poloncarz will be pardoning a butter lamb today at 2:30 p.m. at the Broadway Market. The gesture does not melt the heart of one Polish Catholic gentleman.

The ceremony appears to be a kind of mash-up of Easter with Thanksgiving, when a turkey is pardoned by the White House. The butter lamb, though, represents a more complicated situation. According to Polish tradition it is supposed to represent Christ, the Lamb of God. And in the Bible, when the mob was calling for Christ's crucifixion, it was Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor, who could have said no but instead reluctantly agreed.

Hence our friend's righteous objection to today's ceremony starring Poloncarz.

He says: "I didn't know he had the powers of Pilate."

Church Is Satisfied With Its Lot

St. gabriel

Buzz had to smile seeing a Dyngus Day party announcement from St. Gabriel's Of The Parking Lot.

Oops, we meant to write St. Gabriel of Our Lady of Sorrows because that is the actual saint the church is named for. But the church is fronted by a magnificent parking lot, a gleaming expanse that glistens in the winter and bakes in the summer and has room for a million cars. The lot is clearly visible in the picture above.

It is more than a parking lot. It is a focal point! The church as good as admitted to that in its Dyngus Day ad, which appears in the Original Dyngus Day Guide 2014, on page 3.

God love St. Gabriel's, it advertises, as one of its Easter highlights, along with its 11:30 a.m. polka mass and 12 p.m. Polish buffet:

"Ample Parking in Large Lighted Parking Lot."

Buffalo Mass Mob is Massive

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Buzz threw in our lot with the Buffalo Mass Mob this morning at St. John Kanty, a church we have passed millions of times but have never gone in.

We liked the painting of a dark-skinned, Eastern-looking Jesus in the front of the church, sort of visible in the picture above over the heads of the Mass Mobsters.

There were also, we have to say this, a few funny moments. There were a few priests and deacons on hand. And one of them got up to welcome the big crowd of 800 people (we are estimating). He said he was moved to see so many people from out of town, "from California, Illinois, Texas, Georgia, Hamburg and Williamsville."

The best jokes are the ones with a grain of truth, and that got a big laugh. The fun continued during the sermon.

"I really feel I am preaching to the choir," the priest said, looking out at the faithful. He added: "But I will go on."

Ha, ha! Meanwhile we see our brethren at the Cleveland Plain Dealer are having fun covering their local Mass Mob, one of the Mass Mobs our Buffalo Mass Mob has spawned. Cleveland also had a Mass Mob scheduled for today. The story says too that Philadelphia also held its first Mass Mob today. 

But back to Cleveland. Bless this reporter for his bad pun.

He writes: "Many are called and pews are chosen."

The Lighter Side Of Lent

Confessionpaint

A funny Twitter trend, still going on, has people posting pictures of themselves getting their ashes, with the hashtag #Ashtag. Above is ours! That is Buzz in the lower right-hand corner, kneeling and awaiting our ashes.

Solemn as we look in the picture, we got some laughs, too, with our ashes. We went to Ash Wednesday Mass at St. Michael's Church downtown. This being Buffalo, after Mass ended, the stranger in the pew in front of us turned around and said hello.

"Don't you write for The News?" he asked.

And Buzz said yes, and introduced ourself, and said something silly like, "Happy Ash Wednesday."

And the guy gestures toward his forehead. And he says to us: "You've got something on your face."

Hahahahaha! An obvious joke, and yet we have never heard it before.

Happy Lent!

Diary of a Doughnut Judge

Judge

Buzz judged Paczki today at the Broadway Market. Above is a picture of us, second from the left, looking judgmental (as the friend said who snapped the picture). 

We sat in supreme judgment! And visible to the left of us is our friend and colleague Samantha Maziarz Christmann, the Discount Diva.

We tasted and discussed and tasted and discussed and tasted some more and wished there were more. The texture of these doughnuts were unbelievable. Coated with sugar, they oozed deep, thick jam. It got to the point where all you could think about was having more.

And our friends are all on board!

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Many more of them live next door.

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And the band begins to play.

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(They are the magnificent Bison City Stompers, jamming as we ate jam.)

And the Pączki winners were ...

Continue reading "Diary of a Doughnut Judge" »

Prestigious Buffalo Church Auction Yields a Fine Forgery

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By Mary Kunz Goldman

Tragically, we don't have the Trinity Episcopal Church White Elephant Sale any more. We do, however, have the church's annual Snowflakes and Starlight Auction, which was Wednesday.

There was, to quote one friend of ours, "prodigious spending." She herself, coming to her senses the next afternoon, had to sit down and make a list of the "unnecessary objects" that had followed her home:

-- Five wallets with two micro coin purses (they were all in one lot)

-- An American Kestral wind chime, (that looked artisan made until we hung it up by the kitchen window and noticed the coin-sized made-in-China sticker)

-- a black and white photo of the yacht club that neither one of us has any affiliation with

 -- And the coup de grace ....

Continue reading "Prestigious Buffalo Church Auction Yields a Fine Forgery" »

Question is Buried in Buffalo News Snow Photo

Fourteen

News photographer Mark Mulville's photo of the sign in front of Fourteen Holy Helpers in West Seneca is going viral. Which begs the question:

Which of the Fourteen Holy Helpers do you pray to about snow, anyway?

The Fourteen Holy Helpers are a band of saints invoked in the Middle Ages against various practical difficulties such as sickness (particularly the Black Plague) and temptation. St. Blaise for the throat,  St. George for the protection of your domestic animals, St. Cyriacus against temptation on the deathbed, etc. (That last one cracks Buzz up. If you are still subject to temptation on your deathbed, then God love you.)

Surely one of the Fourteen Holy Helpers is in charge of snow.

And lo!

St. Vitus is the saint who is our help against storms.

And the second Fourteen Holy Helper would be St. Christopher.  He is in charge of getting us home in one piece.

Anyway, good on the Fourteen Holy Helpers Church for getting its practical message out.

But they should have been more specific!

A Strange Sight in Kaisertown

Kreys

Why are we worrying about the Buffalo Athletic Club when it is Christmas Eve? 

Today's Buzz column tells the tale of a group of carolers' adventures in Black Rock. The adventure continued last night in Kaisertown. Above is a pic taken last night on a Kaisertown street corner of attorney Patrick Krey, his wife Jennifer and their two proper Victorian sons, Harry and Frank.

The carolers, who also included jazz singer Mari McNeil and Forgotten Buffalo's Airborne Eddy, sang in the Kaisertown branch library, in front of a house that looked as if it belonged to the Griswolds (nobody came out, even after three vigorous verses of "Joy To the World"), and at Wiechec's Lounge, where half the crowd filmed the singers on their iPhones and the other half looked the other way. 

Most memorable was "Adeste Fideles" in Latin at a Pakistani deli, after which the proprietor, laughing, generously offered water and pop.

God rest ye merry, gentlemen!

Buffalo's Funniest Priest

StinkSunday morning, foolishly trying to drive to church in the snow, Buzz got stuck not once but twice and had to be dug out both times by Good Samaritans. But that is another story for another day.

Today's story involves where we ended up, which is at St. Mark's, a church we prudently slogged to on foot. The church was full and we soon saw one reason why:

Their priest, Father Joseph Rogliano, is like Denis Leary without the obscenities!

His homily, about how we all shouldn't be so busy this time of year, riffed on his Christmas shopping struggles. One nephew loves a video game called "Sky... Skylander?" the priest said. "They have names I'm gonna share. The one he wants is Stink Bomb. Of course that's the one you can't find anywhere," he declaimed, as the audience -- er, congregation -- roared.

A niece had similar wants. "I'm tired of looking for Cheerleader Barbie, I will tell you that. I finally found her on eBay. Is $200 a lot to pay?"

Is getting stuck in the snow a lot to pay for enjoying these laughs? We think not!

Sunday, we were blessed!

 

The Holiday Gig From Hell

A certain Buffalo singer has a gig coming up for a local business group at a local country club. The organizers request two hours of seasonal music -- but no mention of Christmas ...

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... or Santa Claus ...

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... or even holidays.

What to do??

Well, there's "Winter Wonderland."

"That's right," our singer friend said. "And ....?"

Yikes, even most 96.1 Joy FM standards don't qualify. "Frosty the Snowman" might be OK. And "Jingle Bells." And "Let it Snow."

Beyond that you are on thin ice. Even "Winter Wonderland" has that problematic mention of Parson Brown. Well, maybe people have forgotten that a parson is a pastor.

You could sing "O Christmas Tree" in German because "Tannenbaum" is technically fir tree, not Christmas tree. But try explaining that to your employers as they are showing you the wreathless door.

No-holly

Two hours of this! Good luck with that, we told our singer friend.

Better you than Buzz!

 

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