A gift gone too soon

  He was one of the few people I have ever known whom everybody liked -- and who seemed to like everybody. That was Jay Bonfatti's wonderful gift. It was a gift he shared with all of us here at The Buffalo News, and with many people in the greater community, for the two decades that he lived here and worked as a reporter.

   Now that gift he gave to all of us is gone. Jay passed away in his sleep Wednesday night  while on a family vacation in Martha's Vineyard. He was just 52. His death has devastated those of us at The News who knew him as a colleague and who valued him as a friend. He was our Falstaff, our John Belushi, a guy whose plus-size body could barely contain his enormous heart and his bursting good humor. He was, as a colleague noted during an impromptu in-house memorial this morning, the heart and soul of our newsroom. We loved him, and we will miss him terribly.

  Jay's world extended far beyond the newsroom, to the world of the music he loved, to the countless folks whose lives he touched, to the numerous friends -- nobody was better at making them -- he had in all walks of life. Jay was like a crossover artist in music, whose appeal transcends boundaries of race, age, class and religion. But Jay's milieu was not music --although he was handy on guitar -- but people, and human nature, and the boundaries that sometimes divide our lives. Jay did not see any of those boundaries. All he saw was human beings, and the best aspects of each of them. He never married, or had children. But there was no lack of love in his life. It was as if we all were part of his extended family -- with his smiling, Buddha-like countenance at the center. And now, from here on, we will have to figure out a way to go on without him.

   Jay's life touched many lives. We would love to hear from the people who knew him, who remember him, who would like to share their thoughts of a man who died way too young, but who never grew old.

-- Donn Esmonde

Comments

[lou]

Last week when Jay Bonfatti learned that there were last-minute openings for The Buffalo
News' participation in the United Way Day of Caring out at Cradle Beach, he immediately
volunteered to spend the day staining decks and railings at the camp, which serves disabled
youngsters.

While there, Jay received an unexpected cell phone call from his nephew, who was so excited
at having ridden a bicycle for the first time that he simply needed to share the momentous
news with "Uncle Jay."

Jay happily listened to the child and went on to repeatedly congratulate him, as told by
the proud uncle's booming voice that was filled with delight.

The next day in the newsroom, Jay told me that the call from his nephew had stunned him.

"My nephew has Down syndrome and here I am at this camp helping out where
other children have their struggles and my nephew calls to tell me he rode his bike alone for
the first time," Jay explained.

I said it was a sign from heaven that he was in the right place at the right time when he
received that phone call from his out-of-town nephew.

"I knew you'd say that, Lou, and I can't disagree," Jay grinned.

Jay, by the way, stayed on at the camp after the other volunteers left by bus to return
to Buffalo. He said he wanted to finish up several smaller jobs, staining door frames and
windows at the arts and crafts center.

Jay loved children, and if he hadn't been a confirmed bachelor, he would have been the
world's greatest dad.

[Matt S.]

Among Jay's many qualities was this: Minutes after you met him, you felt as though you had known him for years. No pretense. No airs. Free to show himself as a person and invite you in. He connected with anyone and everyone. I will miss him.

[Jackie]

Jay was the guy everybody went to when you needed help, because you knew he'd do anything he could to help out. He was a good man, and as far as I'm concerned there is no better praise. We miss him already.

[Friend]

To live in hearts that love is to never die.

[trish]

Jay always made you feel included, like you were the person that he was wishing would join his always animated conversation, or exactly the person that he was hoping would turn the corner to be facing him. I first made friends with Jay through the union, and although we were not in the same department, he always made it a point to say hello in the hallway, or offer a smile and a wave - no matter how busy or hectic he may have been. His warmth and wonderful happiness will be missed.

[Dave Valenzuela]

Jay was a great friend to everyone at The News. He was always quick with a greeting, always had a joke, and made everyone feel like they were welcome.

My favorite moment with Jay was one late afternoon here at The News. I had forgotten to take my lunch break at the usual time, so I quickly made my way up to the cafeteria before it closed.

Jay was sitting alone, and I knew I'd be eating alone, so I thought I would join him. Who better than Jay? He's always good for a lively conversation and a few laughs.

He looked up and warned me that he had just been out at a dairy farm, and I may want to rethink my plan to dine with him.

I thought, how bad could it be?

Oh, within 5 seconds of sitting, I could smell Jay as if he'd been standing in cow manure all morning, which he probably had.

But his personality and sense of humor more than made up for it. I sat at that lunch table for the duration, shooting the breeze with a truly special man, even if he did stink.

I'll miss Jay, like all of us will.

[Grey]

Jay always visited my parents around the holidays to give them the annual Christmas CD he'd make for all of his friends.

In fact, he had visited my grandfather last night. My family loved him. I usually saw him 1-2 times a year and I enjoyed every conversation we ever shared.

He was an amazing guy ... a credit to the human race. I will miss his smile so much.

[Howard Goldman]

My thoughts are with each of my friends at the Buffalo News today.

When I last saw Jay recently at a house party, he was the wonderful, interesting, and interested friend as always, as he will be remembered always.

[Mike Harrington]

A fabulous tribute to Jay by Donn. When I was still a student journalist in the 80s, Donn and Jay (who was then a sports guy for the AP) let me pick their brains at many a Canisius game in the Aud and Koessler Center. I am forever indebted to both of them and I covered the Bisons game today for the paper with many a thought of the newsroom's great friend in my mind.

RIP, Jay Jay. A huge loss.

MH

[connie mcewen caldwell]

Sweet, sweet Jay Bonfatti gone?

The cracking of a thousand hearts is a silent sound.

~ xo

[Larry Quinn]

I echo Donn's comments. I knew Jay for a number of years and he was one of those few people that made everything he did seem gentle and honest. Although I suspect he secretly cheered for his hometown Bruins, he was a loyal Sabre fan and we will miss him.

[Bruce]

I was fortunate enough to spend 10 years working with Jay, the past two years two desks away from him and his ridiculous cell phone that most recently played the theme song from "Get Smart" whenever it rang.

You rarely walked away from Jay Bonfatti without a smile on both of your faces. Last week, as others were at least pretending to sympathize with my raw emotions as I prepared to send my oldest daughter off to college, Jay sat at his desk and sarcastically sang the beginning of "Turn Around" from "Fiddler on the Roof." You know, "Turn around and you're 2/ Turn around and you're 4/ Turn around and you're a young girl / Going out of the door." To which I said, "Shut up Jay," and we both laughed.

[Kathy Carlson]

Jay visited us every winter he was with the Phillies, and every Mardi Gras in Dunedin that he could get to. I have pictures of him rollerblading with the cute girl who lived next door to me, and wearing wierd Mardi Gras masks, and generally having a great time. His Florida Family will miss him so much. My friend leanna passed away this morning after battling breast cancer for 23 years and she tipped many a beer at Skips with JAY, I hope that they are together tonight having a cold one.
Jesus Christ, son of the Living God, Have mercy on your servant Jay.
Love you Forever
Kathy Carlson

[connie mcewen caldwell]

A thousand hearts will crack upon hearing this sad news.

Knowing Jay was indeed a "gift", one of sheer delight.

Good bye sweet friend. xoxo

[John Maddock]

What a sad day and a terrible loss. Donn, you did a great job of capturing Jay's personality and the gift he left for all of us - the ability to make us laugh and feel better.

[Dan Herbeck]

I spent much of today writing the obituary of one of my best friends and favorite people in the news business, Jay Bonfatti. Jay, thanks for being my friend, my golf partner and one of the funniest, most decent people I've ever met. You have touched many lives and will be missed more than you ever could have imagined. I hope they have beer and good blues bands in heaven...

[Githens]

If you saw his byline, you read him.
If you saw him arrive in the newsroom, you smiled in relief.
If you saw his big smirking grin come through the door of a party, you knew you wouldn’t be going home soon.
If Russert and Belushi had somehow managed a son….
Resquiat in Pace, Jay. God, you were loved.

[Frank Baker]

That's a wonderful tribute, Donn, to a guy who truly was the life of the party in the best way possible. He didn't draw attention to himself; others were drawn to him for the simple reason he was a ball to be around. My first job with the AP was in Buffalo and much of my time was spent assisting Jay with sports coverage. A 22-year-old with zero knowledge about covering pro sports couldn't have asked for a more patient, collegial work partner. Mentor is too formal a title -- Jay never would have seen himself that way. He simply was a guy helping out a friend with whom he happened to work. A quick story: As the most recent hire in the AP in Upstate NY in 1988, I had to work on Thanksgiving. It was my first such holiday away from home. Where did I spend it after getting off? With Jay, of course. He knew I'd be alone and invited me over. I don't remember a lot about the night (beer no doubt was involved). But I remember not being lonely on a day when I would have been were it not for Jay. What a loss.

[Peter and Patrice Rizzo]

Jay, where have you gone? I can't imagine the world without your light, You made me laugh everytime I talked to you...Your circle is completed now Jay. Say hello to Paul for us......
We love you......
Peter and Patrice

[Brad Maione]

The people Jay touched will always remember him.

Generous, kind, and deserving of a long and prosperous life, he left us too soon.

I'll miss his wit, his smarts, his tremendous talent and his love for Buffalo.

This Christmas will not be the same, as there will be no Holiday CD in the mail from Jay.

Our loss is profound. Jay added value to the people he met. He was a man without artifice and I will always be grateful that we were friends.

[Brad Maione]

The people Jay touched will always remember him.

Generous, kind, and deserving of a long and prosperous life, he left us too soon.

I'll miss his wit, his smarts, his tremendous talent and his love for Buffalo.

This Christmas will not be the same, as there will be no Holiday CD in the mail from Jay.

Our loss is profound. Jay added value to the people he met. He was a man without artifice and I will always be grateful that we were friends.

[PatriceandPeterRizzo]

Jay was my husbands best first boyhood friend, they grew up across the street together, the stories they have told me would curl your toenails....Jay became my friend also during high school. He was as someone has said "one of the best", the stars are not shining tonight for us here in NH, I just cannot imagine our world without Jay in it, when we celebrated a graduation for one of our kids, Jay was always the last one to leave and we would sit at the table and talk and talk and laugh and laugh...he was a truly unique, loving, giving funny as heck human being..
Jay, we love you...say hello to Paul for us........

[Margaret Sullivan]

I'm very proud to have hired Jay almost exactly 10 years ago when I was The News' managing editor. He had gone to Philly's AP bureau but wasn't especially happy there and missed his friends in Buffalo. I never regretted it. He was the most versatile of reporters, was always fair-minded, and never whined. He was also a wonderful friend, always sharing music. He introduced me to one of my favorite bands, World Party, and made me many a Marshall Crenshaw mix tape in the old days, and eventually many a mix CD. The fact that I was management and he was a labor guy never got in the way of our friendship, although we had many a disagreement. My kids felt he was like an uncle, and enjoyed his great cooking many tijmes. He was one of a kind, and I will miss him very much, both as a journalist and a friend. The one consolation is that Jay packed more into his 52 years than most people do into 80. He left the world a better place through his unreasonably generous spirit.

[Laura]

God love ya, Jay. You had a heart as big as all outdoors. Besides being a super journalist, musician, raconteur, etc. you were a fabulous cook. Hope they have pasta and vino in heaven where I know you are delighting folks now with your puckish humor. It was way too soon, dear friend. I'll miss you forever.

[Kevin Collison]

I've rarely felt so alone when I learned of Jay's death sitting in the newsroom here in Kansas City without my dear colleagues in Buffalo to share my sorrow. But in another small tribute to how big Jay's world was, a colleague overheard me calling my wife to tell her the sad news. She had worked with Jay in Syracuse when they were in their 20s and recalled him fondly. I had my first smoked bison roast at his place--God, he was a master of the smoker who I'd hope come out to KC this fall for our annual American Royal barbecue bash so he could teach the locals a thing or two, he brought me back a case of Harpoon from Boston when he learned I liked it so much, he was a good friend to Kathy, Kate and I, and we shared a marvelous meal at his apartment before leaving town. We will also miss his CDs, and I'm sure remember him fondly when we bring our collection out this holiday season. God rest his soul...and laugh at his wonderful wit.