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The Battle of Lackawanna

   An editorial in today's Buffalo News breathes a sigh of relief that, despite the fevered arguments of Vice President Dick Cheney, President Bush never really gave much consideration to a plan to use U.S. Army troops to arrest members of the Lackawanna Six terrorist cell. [Background articles here and here.]
   It would have been a horrible, fearful, disruptive, not to mention illegal and unconstitutional, thing to do.
   Of course, if it had happened, there could have been a silver lining for Lackawanna. Tourism. T-shirts. Learned symposia and a whole new way to do historic re-enactments.
   And we'd need a song. You know, like "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" or, better yet, like Johnny Horton's "Battle of New Orleans."

"The Battle of Lackawanna"
[sung to the tune of "The Battle of New Orleans"]

Back in 20-aught-2 we took a little drive
Along with Mr. Cheney up the New York Highway Five
We took some Blackhawk choppers and we took some Hummers too
And we rounded up those terrorists before they could kill you.

Well, we pushed our plans over legal consternation
We dissed the FBI and attorney gen'rl too
We pushed our plans to defend a frightened nation
By invading Lackawanna with the Airborne Eighty-Two.

We had some fancy memos from the White House legal team
Who promised that the Constitution didn't really mean
To stop the U.S. Army from drawing up a plan
To arrest anybody who'd been to 'ghanistan.

We pushed our plans over legal consternation
We ignored Condoleezza and we listed to John Yoo
We pushed our plans to defend a frightened nation
By invading Lackawanna with the Airborne Eighty-Two.

Mr. Cheney said we could take 'em by surprise
If we didn't let the rule of law muddy up our eyes
So we didn't tell the sheriff and we didn't tell the state
And we rounded up those terrorists before they sealed our fate.

The Posse Comitatus Law has never been the same
And the people everywhere sing the praises of our name
The neocons are joyful that they stopped bin Laden's plan
By rounding up the occupants of Lackawannastan

We pushed our plans over legal consternation
We ignored the Constitution and NYCLU
We pushed our plans to defend a frightened nation
When we conquered Lackawanna back in 20-zero-2.

We were going to sing it for you, but that would have undermined our editorial opposition to torture. If any of you go musically YouTube with this, though, we wouldn't mind getting a link.

-- George Pyle/The Buffalo News

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Editorials
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