Parent Company

Ask not for whom the school bell tolls

That giant whooshing sound we hear is the collective sigh of relief from parents as the kids go back to school. The conga line forms here!

I always yearn for this day, too, but at the same time I know that it instantly throws our household back into hyperdrive. All of our extracurricular activities always start up again at the same time, so our sighs of relief last about as long as a pint of Ben & Jerry's does in our freezer. Piano lessons, soccer, swimming, dance class -- it's game on for all of them.

I hope our kids have satisfactory school gear, lest they be subject to scorn and derision from their teachers. Shopping for school supplies has turned into a scavenger hunt, and it's a game that I tire of.

OK, I'll track down disinfectant wipes for each child, but why do the book covers have to be made of certified organic materials from the rainforest? I found the black-and-white writing tablets, but does the calculator really need to come equipped with a barometer and solar-powered batteries? And what's the deal with making us track down a copy of "King Lear" translated into Portuguese? Sorry, but homey don't play that.

I try to approach school supply lists like a jazz musician approaches sheet music. I play along with the list for awhile, but then I want to improvise, to come up with my own riffs. 

Our kids, on the other hand, think the supply lists were handed down on stone tablets from Mount Sinai. They refused to go to school this morning until each supply was cross-checked and verified. I tried to sneak one No. 3 pencil into the pack of No. 2's, but our boy quickly discovered the intruder and terminated it with extreme prejudice.

I know there are taxpayer groups who disagree, but after every summer spent trying to keep three kids in motion I conclude that whatever our teachers are paid, it's nowhere near enough.

---Greg

College freshman jitters

For parents who like to find things to worry about (and who doesn't?), there is plenty of grist for the mill when sending your first child off to college.

How will she handle her new freedom?

Can he keep up academically?

Will she get homesick?

Does he know how to do laundry?

Psych Central, a Web site about mental health issues, has put together a very useful College Survival Guide for students. It has advice on stress management; handling an unpleasant roommate; dealing with your class work, and other topics.

When I was at college, a young woman who lived 10 doors down from me in our dorm took her own life during our freshman year. She no doubt had some troubling issues with which she couldn't cope, but it made the the rest of us all feel like we had failed by not making more of an effort to befriend her.

If you've got a college freshman in the family it might be nice to send them a link to Pysch Central's guide.

---Greg

Group think

As the school year winds down, it is the season of exams, papers, and the dreaded Group Project.

In our society in which many jobs are performed in teams, it makes sense on a practical level to introduce students to the joys and frustrations of working in a group to accomplish a task. You’re never too young to learn that when assigned to a group, the 80/20 Pareto principle applies – 20% of the people do 80% of the work. On a certain level, it’s less the life lessons I have a problem with – it’s the parents and the ridiculous schedules we keep with our kids.

Have you ever tried to get a group of fifth graders together to do a group project? We recently had this experience. Getting four girls together to film a video for a class required the scheduling mastery of arranging the G8 summit. Between the 10 extracurricular activities that each child is now involved in and, God forbid they might miss for an academic project, the only time that didn’t create a busy search calendar block-out was Sunday at 3 a.m.

Actual school work seems to fall much lower on the priority scale than swimming, violin, soccer, acting, and any you-name-it activity. And in the unlikely event the students do get together, mayhem ensues, the project somehow falls by the wayside, another session needs to be scheduled to complete it, creating an infinite logistical loop even UPS cannot solve. 

Note to teachers: I know your job is incredibly challenging. Thank you for putting up with our kids every day. Not a job I am equipped for, so I’m not one to criticize. But here is my suggestion: Can you please only assign group projects when the group can meet during the school day? Otherwise, I will be posting a job for a personal scheduler on Buffalo.com.

---Allison

Heard through the Grapevine

A story that appeared in the news last week about a remarkable young Texan student is a parable about America’s decline.

Anjala Datta, of Grapevine Texas, recorded the highest GPA not only this year, but ever in the history of Grapevine High School – a 5.898. (I graduated in the age when 4.0 was the highest, but I guess the scale at Grapevine is 5.0, with the potential for extra points for AP and pre-AP classes). It seems that Ms. Datta demonstrated an unfortunate degree of excellence by managing to achieve these incredible results in three years, not four, thus was disqualified from being named valedictorian.

Said a school spokeswoman, "Our policy states that the valedictorian will be the highest-ranking student with four years of high school." Thus Anjala’s packing four years’ worth of study into three disqualified her, opening the door for another bright student with a 5.64 to be named the official valedictorian, an honor which also brings with it a one-year scholarship at a Texas university. The district threw Anjala a bone by creating a made-up title – "Valedictorian – Three Year" as a consolation prize.

How great a student is Anjala? She received a perfect 36 on the ACT college entrance exam, one of only 22 students in the country to accomplish this when she took the test; she was also identified by the U.S. Department of Education in 2008 as a candidate for the Presidential Scholars program.

But when recognition of excellence is trumped by narrow, legalistic interpretations of policy like this we are headed for trouble. What message does this send to the students of this school? Go beyond all expectations that we could have imagined, and because we couldn’t have imagined it, you lose. A parable of our schools, our government, our country: Principals without principles. Bureaucracy, not meritocracy. Legalism, not leadership. The world is a competitive place. We should celebrate, reward, encourage excellence, not throw our Anjalas under the proverbial school bus.

The heartening part of the story is how the family has handled this situation. Says Anjala’s father, "I’ve told all those who’ve offered money fundraisers, advice, ‘Thank you, but please don’t do anything on our behalf. It was about the principle all along. Maybe in the future, they can think about changing the policy.’"

---Allison

Soccer and citrus

 

It was our turn to provide the orange slices for our son's soccer game yesterday. (That's "football," to our readers overseas.) Greg is in third grade and he alternates at goalkeeper and halfback.

The radio sports talker Jim Rome frequently makes fun of soccer. When the World Cup was being played, Rome wondered who was providing the orange slices and Capri Sun pouches for the players.

Well, the oranges were on us Sunday. When I awoke I realized that:
A) The soccer game was at 1 p.m. in Alden and would take us about 40 minutes to get to from our home in the Northtowns.
B) Even though it was raining steadily, I knew the game would be held unless thunder or lightning struck near the soccer pitch.
B) I would need two sacks of oranges, plus a half-hour of cutting time at home to get them ready for the pint-sized athletes.

We have a tradition on our team of one parent providing the citrus, another bringing the juice boxes and another snack, such as cereal/granola bars. The refreshments are presented to the kids at halftime.

I raced to the store, purchased the oranges and raced home to do the prep work. With each orange I dissected I mused about why it was necessary for 8- and 9-year-olds to maintain the same caloric load and electrolyte balance as Lance Armstrong when he was climbing through the Pyrenees.  Not that Johnny and Janie shouldn't have 480 percent of their recommended daily vitamin C allowance provided for while they are kicking a ball around. I certainly don't begrudge them that. I just wonder if there's a little overkill involved in organizing this kind of training table for a one-hour athletic contest.

I also wondered if I needed to warn the parents that the oranges were sliced in a kitchen where peanut products are stored; and whether our eco-activist  daughter would turn me in to the authorities for encasing the fruit in plastic bags.

We fought on through the rain, and our team held on for a 5-4 victory. About a third of the oranges that I brought were consumed by the kids. The rest are in our refrigerator. No one in THIS house is going to come down with scurvy, at least not on my watch.

---Greg

Prom season

Our oldest daughter, a high school freshman, will attend her first prom in a few weeks.

I am happy to say that she and her friends are going as a group, so there's none of that messy "dating" business to deal with.

Of course, young ladies shouldn't begin dating until they're about 25 or 26 years old. To think about such things at a younger age would be unseemly.

Things were different back in my day, of course. Back then we could "shake our booties" to the musical stylings of K.C. and the Sunshine Band. And a young Steve Martin taught us all how to laugh. But I digress.

When I was a junior in high school I actually asked a young lady to accompany me to the prom. I don't remember much about the evening, though. I'm sure we had dinner and a few dances. But the main thing I remember is being too shy to bestow upon "Nancy" any token of affection when I dropped her off at her home.  I remember her alighting from the car, saying "OK" with more than a little sarcasm, and disappearing into her house. I never saw her socially again.

When the next big school dance came along, the Homecoming Dance, I asked a female friend to go with me, not as a date but as a pal. This was so much less stressful; I was actually able to enjoy myself. I still remember that evening in fairly good detail, and a good time was had by all.

I know that going out in groups is more in vogue with today's teens, and it's a change that I think is for the better. I know that my daughter has a touch of my former shyness (though in much shorter supply), so I am happy that she should be more relaxed at her first prom.

---Greg

Sweating with the oldsters

Here's a novel way to get parents and kids to exercise together: Invite the parents to gym class.

A couple of elementary schools in Indianapolis did just that for one week. Parents ran, jumped and perspired in phys ed class in a program called Come Play With Me.

(Note to my kids: Don't worry, our school doesn't offer this.)

About five to seven parents attended each class. I would love to have the ibuprofen concession for those schools.

— Greg

John Green is not a pornographer

One has to assume that when a few parents in the Depew school district raised a ruckus over having students read the coming-of-age book 'Looking for Alaska,' they didn't expect to get the attention of the book's author, John Green.

But 2008 is not 1951, and Green is no reclusive J.D. Salinger. He posted a video on YouTube, titled it 'I Am Not a Pornographer,' and defends his book as a worthy read for teenagers.

And he also defends the right of parents to have their children NOT read the book. What he does not like is when a few parents try to keep other people's children from reading his book.

The English teachers alerted parents that they were teaching the book (winner of several awards) and sent home a permission slip about it. Was that enough?

Or, when it comes to teaching modern day literature, does everyone have to be on the same page?

--- Melinda Miller

Admission accomplished?

In or out? These are anxious days for the families of high school seniors who are waiting to hear from college admissions offices.

If the applicant in your house is thinking of adding an attention-getting gimmick into her admissions package -- such as placing her face on a Time magazine cover as Woman of the Year or sending in a box of engraved chocolates -- think again. An article in today's Boston Globe says that such stabs at creativity rarely increase the applicant's chances of getting into college, and sometimes they hinder her chances.

Back in my day, when we wore raccoon coats and carried megaphones with us to the football games, college admissions seemed like a somewhat less nerve-wracking business.  It certainly was a tad less competitive than today. Northwestern University today reported it has a record number of applications for next year's class; more than 25,000 applied for 2,025 spots.

How many years of foreign language study do colleges look for? High school guidance counselors answer that and other questions here.

One of the ways that students strengthen their application is through recommendation letters from teachers, whose words are more important than ever to the process, according to an article in the Los Angeles Times.

Which presidential candidate this year said: "I want to be the education president?" It was Gov. Bill Richardson. It seems like we hear that phrase every four years, but somehow I still don't remember there actually being an education president.

---Greg

What happened to walking to school?

I'll bet you didn't know that October is International Walk to School Month.
The thinking is that children need to be more active for their health, so why not start with walking to school?

There is no way for me to express this without sounding like a 90-year-old crank, so I won't even try not to. Back in my day, kids actually did walk to school. Why do we require buses to transport all of our kids, no matter how close we live to school.

I confess, I am part of the problem. The school that my three children attend is a half mile from our house, maybe a few yards less than that, and yet they take the bus every morning. Why? Because they can. The town provides the bus -- our school tax dollars at work. And the route to school from our house does involve crossing an extremely busy intersection, a walk that strikes fear even into adults who attempt it. (Why there's no crossing guard there, I don't know.)

I know that our generation's Cult of Protectiveness won't allow us to send our innocent children out on to the streets without feeling guilty. My theory is that the same percentage of dangerous people roamed the earth in the '60s and '70s, when I was walking to school, but that coverage in the news media makes us fixate on them a lot more today. In many cases, we probably did need to have our consciousness raised. But that doesn't mean we should make our children afraid to walk around the corner to buy a pack of gum.

My grade school had no cafeteria, so I walked home for lunch every day during first, second and third grade. I didn't walk in terror or feel deprived of a bus ride, that was just the way it was.

Do you have have fond memories of walking to school? Do you think our children are driven around too much, or am I getting my knickers in a twist over nothing?

---Greg