Pop Stand

9:00 p.m.: Next week, we see how the 164 contestants fare in Hollywood! This year, some of them accompany themselves on instruments, and at some point, Simon stalks out. Join me back here on Tuesday!

8:57 p.m.: Ryan says to the father of the key-wearing virgin guy, "I kissed a girl TODAY!"

8:55 p.m.: Danny Noriega looks like a woman you might see at Wegman's. But he sings like somebody you might see on stage at Club Marcella.

8:53 p.m.: Randy has put some of the weight back on since he taped that diabetes commercial.

8:52 p.m.: I just noticed that Randy is representing Black Rock again! Yay Buff-a-LO!

8:51 p.m.: Danny Noriega is adorable, so I suspect Paula will want to squish him and he'll get through. They have to end these audition shows on a high note, yes?

8:50 p.m.: His name really is Chikeze Eze! He gets a gold ticket!!!

8:49 p.m.: The judges tackle a wide variety of names. Best one: Diana Kim becomes Kiana Dim.

8:39 p.m.: Jay Smoove -- didn't he used to write a column for The Onion? He had a handful of glitter, too! "That was catchy," Simon says with a verbal eyeroll. Flunkies sweep up the glitter! Ryan helps out, then Simon tries -- but he seems not to understand operation of a broom.

8:37 p.m.: Charles Angry-Swearing-Guy doesn't make it through.

8:35 p.m.: "Islands in the Stream" is blondie's pick. Not Blondie, but blondie. She keeps time with her foot like a clever horse. They have to send her through after making her learn "Islands," don't they? They send her to Dollywood. She thinks it's Hollywood so she's all "WHEEEE!" Wait till she gets dropped off in Pigeon Forge or wherever it is that Dollywood is.

8:27 p.m.: Long-blonde-haired woman is yelling in a very ear-splitting way. They want to send Her Hotness through to Hollywood, so they send her off to learn a Dolly Parton song -- from RYAN?

8:26 p.m.: Almost everybody who kind of almost stinks gets the OK from Paula and Randy. Simon is a big grouch. I'm trying to imagine one where Simon and Randy said yes and Paula said no.

8:25 p.m.: JoAnne Borgella, the plus-sized model, is gorgeous, but isn't she a little screechy??

8:19 p.m.: Simon thinks she's too theatrical. Randy thinks she can grow. Paula gives her the final yes and she's through. What kind of a name is Cardin, anyway?

8:27 p.m.: This McKinney chick is a favorite. Look for her in the finals.

8:15 p.m.: Simon cuddles Pom puppy Panda, who looks for all the world like a bush baby. "It was excruciating," says Simon. "It was torture." The twins lied to her!!!

8:12 p.m. One twin beatboxes, the other forgets the words! They wrote this rap song to challenge the Brittenum twins?

8:11 p.m.: The girl with the dog has two boyfriends who are twins? WARPED.

8:06 p.m.: Simon asks, re God's gift to Tiffany McCampbell of her voice: "Does He have a return policy?" THEN somebody shushes her inthe waiting room. Coming up: a woman offers Simon her adorable little dog or "anything you want" if he sends her to Hollywood. His eyes widen alarmingly.

8:04 p.m.: Paula asks Amy Davis, "What is your ethnic background?" Ouch. They send her through although she's not really a good singer.

8:03 p.m.: Promo for Hollywood week shows Josiah Leming crying. Uh-oh.

Tonight's show is called "The Best of the Rest," but I hope some of them are actually the worst of the worst, too. Auditioners we might see include a couple wearing cowboy hats made of Swiss cheese-like slices and a guy with long gray hair who looks about 20 years past the age limit. Is this Ryan Seacrest in this big hat?

-- Anne Neville