Talkin' TV

Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima........

A question people have been asking me for years: Do you ever write anything you completely regret later?

Answer: Sure. Not all that often, thank heaven, but I almost instantly regretted something I wrote in my TV column last Friday about how good the cast of "NCIS" was (a column, by the way, about which I received a fair-sized share of congratulatory e-mails and nods of agreement — and from some surprising people too.)

The paragraph I wrote that I hated just hours after I wrote it compared the show's Michael Weatherly to an actor who might have been named "Rock" or "Tab" in the '50s rather than the horndog named DiNozzo that he plays. It smacked of all the cheap, smarmy nastiness I've always deplored. I was trying to make a distinction between actor and a role I've never thought he was right for, but I went from A to C in too few words and left out all the crucial "B" stuff that mattered. As a result, I wound up implying things I never wanted to say and not saying what I DID want to say. I was being far too economical.

Weatherly himself wrote me an e-mail calling me on it (so did one of his fans) and they were both absolutely right.

My point is this: Weatherly is an actor of great verbal snap and charm, but he's really cast completely against type as the movie-quoting DiNozzo. The real actor grew up in Fairfield, Conn. and he's perfect for things like Whit Stillman's 1998 film "The Last Days of Disco" where upper-crust WASPS disport themselves in what seem to be asexual imitations of sex. Weatherly had a small part in the film. Stillman used to make some of the smartest independent films around, requiring a very special kind of actorly intelligence and delivery, but I've never been able to square that off with a lot of the swagger we're supposed to believe about the character of DiNozzo in "NCIS."

But whatever credibility gap there might be for some of us doesn't matter on the show because, to put it mildly, realism isn't the show's game. And Weatherly is so good and so charming at what he's asked to do — as well as so smoothly mixed in with his fellow cast members — that it doesn't matter anyway.

And that reinforces my point about the hugely popular show: it's a smartly engineered actor's triumph, not an investigative franchise that's repeatable ad infinitum with different casts. (As they seem to be trying to prove in the Fall with an L.A. spinoff.)

At least, I hope this gets from A to C without racing through B in smug shorthand.

There, I feel a lot better now. Hope it wasn't too boring.

--Jeff Simon

Who's Afraid of Sacha and Phil?

A few random thoughts that couldn't make it into Friday's TV column about Sacha Baron Cohen's outrageous "Bruno" and the end of mainstream homophobia it may well announce in Phil Donahue's America (which is what we're living in, in the 21st century.)

1. Think about America 10 years from now: after hilarious movies like "Bruno" and all those sitcoms and afternoon talkathons, how many states do you think, by then, will have ratified same sex marriage? My guess: at least half — unless, that is, there's a federal statute first.

2. The now-dead late-night radio talkmeister who made such a Gothic scare show out of my column about critic David Ehrenstein's 1996 examination of gay sitcom writers in Los Angeles Magazine was, it should be noted, somewhat different in life than he was on the air. In life he was, in fact, a rather sweet, sophisticated and courtly fellow a good deal less stricken with alarm than the one on the radio. I used to run into him occasionally at movies and enjoyed talking to him immensely.

3. While the ideological Draculas of midnight radio talk might try to scare audiences with visions of rampant American depravity, afternoon TV, post-Phil Donahue, would cheerfully undo every bit of it. And Donahue — who was the inspiration for Zeitgeist Queen Oprah Winfrey — not only got his TV start in Dayton, Ohio but is a proud product of conservative Catholic education: Cleveland parochial schools and then Notre Dame.

So what do you think? How funny IS homophobia anyway? Or, conversely, how scary (or unfunny) is "Bruno?" And how worried are you about what sitcoms and afternoon TV are bringing to America?

— Jeff Simon

Izzy Gives Up the Ghost on 'Grey's Anatomy'

I don't know about you, but I cringed every time dead Denny (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) popped up to speak to, advise or kiss Dr. Izzy Stevens (Katherine Heigl) this season on "Grey's Anatomy."

There may have been more annoying and distracting story lines on network television in the last five years, but I can't immediately think of one.

It appears Denny is gone for good after Thursday's heaven and hell episode, in which he revealed to Izzy he was allowed to come back to see her to tell her that she was sick.

Of course, that spoiler has been making the rounds on the Internet for weeks, so it wasn't exactly a surprise. I suspect the writers will now have to deal with whatever ails Izzy besides her broken heart.

What did you think of the Izzy-Denny story line? And are you glad it appears to be over?

-- Alan Pergament

Time Warner to Hike Rates

Death, taxes, cable rate hikes. They are all inevitable.

It was no surprise really that Time Warner Cable has announced local rate hikes, effective Feb. 1. After all, anyone who has followed Time Warner's recent national battles with Channel 4's owner and national programmers should have realized that someone would have to pay for those deals.

That someone is you, if you're a cable subscriber.

The announced hikes can be a little difficult to decipher. The cost to each subscriber will depend on the services they receive. And Time Warner said those subscribers willing to commit to certain packages for two years can pay 2008 rates.

But two years can be a long time, especially if you're already a little annoyed about not receiving The NFL Network, the Big Ten Network or other channels that are available on satellite services and want  the option of switching at any time.

What do you think of the announced rate hike? Will it cause you to reassess whether you keep cable? Or do you understand the reasons behind the hike and and believe it is understandable and acceptable?

-- Alan Pergament

To Jay or Not to Jay, that is NBC's Big Question

I talked to film writer/director Kevin Smith yesterday. Obviously, what we were talking about was his funny and controversial forthcoming film "Zack and Miri Make a Porno." But I couldn't resist asking Smith about the plight of his buddy and longtime latenight patron Jay Leno who is now, courtesy of an NBC executive plan, the lame duck host of "The Tonight Show" to be replaced by Conan O'Brien in the fall of 2009. Smith is, in fact, scheduled to be Leno's "Tonight Show" guest this evening.

What does Smith think of it all, I asked. Not much, to boil his answer down considerably. Nor do an awful lot of people. Among those expressing dismay, bafflement and worse at NBC's planned Conan-for-Jay swap at 11:30 p.m. was, of all people, Leno's longtime competition, David Letterman in an edition of Rolling Stone.

Would Kevin Smith, in the future, appear on a Conan O'Brien "Tonight Show?" Only after he talked to Leno, he said, and Leno gave his blessing.

Very interesting, that -- especially if a lot of Leno loyalists feel that way and Leno, as expected, moves over to ABC. And says, to all his friends, "no", come on my show instead.

So what do you think of NBC's upcoming Conan-for-Jay swap in 2009?

Lunacy or demographic cunning? Lack of network principle or just smart business?

Your thoughts?

--Jeff Simon

The Over/Under List

Contributions to my Over/Under list in today's TV Topics are more than welcome.

Feel free to add -- or subtract -- your own nominations for all that is overrated and underrated on those things that come into our homes every day.

--Jeff Simon

TV'S most obnoxious commercials, Part Deux

So let's call this "Godawful Commercials II: The Readers Take Over."
My Tuesday column on the Life and Arts Page about obnoxious local TV commercials brought a good-sized inundation of nominations from readers of their least favorite ads on the airwaves. Almost everyone agreed with me about the EG Tax Creep, Airport Plaza Jewelers and His Hugeness, Billy Fuccillo. But everyone said I didn't go nearly far enough.
How, they wanted to know, could I possibly I have missed the ads for Cellino and Barnes? And Max Pies? And City Mattress? And AARP Life Insurance?
Easy. Didn't have space for any more than those I mentioned. But now you do. By all means, fire away by posting comments, and let those who put the stuff on the air know just what TV's most obnoxious commercial moments are.
--Jeff Simon 

Another 'Dancing' winner

     The crowning of race-car driver Helio Castroneves and his partner Julianne Hough as champions of "Dancing With the Stars" continues to prove that reality show winners don't have to be the best, just the most popular. (How else do you explain Maria Osmond's appearance in the show's final three?)
     The win by Helio and Julianne was an upset over Spice Girl Melanie Brown and partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy, the highest-scoring couple and the most polished throughout the competition. But Scary Spice and hunky Maks (is any professional dancer on the show more deserving of the title now than poor Maks??) couldn't break through Helio's blinding smile.
     If you say who?? when you hear Helio's name, you're not alone. Although many viewers didn't know him at the start, he quickly became Mr. Popularity as he charmed viewers with that captivating smile and irresistible accent. You might think that a guy who sat behind the wheel of a car for a living would have been a dud on the dance floor, but Helio proved he could shake it with the best of them.
     As other professional athletes who have been "Dancing" contestants have shown -- including Jerry Rice and previous winners Emmitt Smith and Apolo Anton Ohno -- Helio displayed the competitive nature that drives athletes and helps them excel at whatever they do, even if the trophy is just a mirrorball on a platform.
     By the way, there is no real prize given to the "Dancing With the Stars" winners, but it would be great if that changed next season with a cash prize going to charity. ABC is certainly making enough money off of this show to warrant the gesture.

--Toni Ruberto

"The Office" is hilarious

"The Office” gets us talking.  It makes us laugh.

The NBC sitcom about a bunch of people working at a fictional Scranton, Pa., paper company makes us want to share laughs the next day (or, recite Dwight’s hilarious pronouncement of the day, such as: “When I die I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died.”)

But we’ve also found that some of our colleagues don’t “get it,” and we can’t quite figure this out. Sure, the characters on “The Office” are a little hard to take. It can be hard to watch them treat each other in an inconsiderate, insensitive, politically incorrect way.

Still…it doesn’t bother us!

How do you feel about “The Office?" Do the employees of Dunder-Mifflin make you laugh, or do they turn you off? Let us know!

--Elizabeth Kahn

Online TV Show

Channel 2's delayed local 11 a.m show has a new title. It will be called "Your Today in WNY." The word "your" was added to the previous title. You'll have to wait until Sept. 24, when the program hosted by Janet Snyder, Chesley McNeil and Kevin O'Neill premieres, before deciding if it really is "yours."

WGRZ-TV is billing the program as the first online TV show premiere because it will air simultaneously on the NBC affiliate and its website.

The station said that a new twist of the old favorite, "Bowling for Dollars," will be part of the show. It also will feature live online chats, popular internet videos, recipes, advice from local experts and ways to save money.

Sounds like Channel 7 officials might be part of the target audience for the last item mentioned.

-- Alan Pergament

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