Deployment Ceremony Jan. '08

   During the deployment ceremony at the Connecticut St. Armory back in January my wife Judy and I met Lou Michel who expressed an interest in tracking the daily doings of both the soldiers headed overseas and the families left to manage here at home.  I must admit I was overwhelmed by emotions that day.  When Lou asked how I felt I was quoted in the paper saying that I was "angry."  The obvious interpretation was that I was angry at the government for putting us through this 400 days of misery.  Contrary to what I assume most of you would suspect, this was not a tearful, honey I'm going to miss you send off.  Rather it was a "serves you right, I hope you get your ass shot off" goodbye.  Judy has known that this deployment was forthcoming yet she chose not to file for her 20 year letter, opting rather to execute and fulfill the mission she been training over 22 years for.  Just as background, I don't have a political perspective on this war, I think of myself more as a pragmatist due to the conditions of being the minority gender as a military spouse.  For the next year or so I'm a single dad trying to keep it together and move it forward.  Hopefully the kids and I won't kill each other. 

    Right now the focus is maintaining the greatest atmosphere of normalcy for my 12 year old son and nine year old daughter.  Normalcy means not allowing the deployment to get in the way of any of the events, activities or routines of the kids.  The list of activities they're involved with includes:  Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, 4H, chess club and ice hockey.  Now that hockey season is over we add baseball, cheerleading and tennis.  Honestly, aside from the shear volume of running around required it hasn't been that big of a deal so far.  Judy comes from a very large family, many of whom still reside in the area.  To a person they have all offered their assistance in helping out.  My family is significantly smaller and I have only my mom and one of my three older brothers here in town.  My mom is confined to a nursing home so as much as she'd like to help out she's on the receiving side of care nowadays.  My family have always been the independent, self sufficient types.  For any one of us to reach out and ask for help is anathema.  Learning to get past that attitude brings it's own level of discomfort.  I and I would hasten to say "we" hate the feeling that I (we) "owe" somebody.  For the record, I like to be in the black on the favor ledger. 

    With events planned far enough out on the calendar or regularly scheduled events it's easy to enlist the help of Judy's family.  My daughter's first communion is coming up later this month.  Judy's brother and sister in law have removed the burden of planning and executing the party arrangements.  It was a seamless hand-off, one I have the greatest appreciation for.  I'm left with the responsibilities of booking a gathering room at the nursing home (done), buying sandals (done), approving the menu, getting to the church on time and signing the checks at the end.  Beautiful!  Thanks Norm & Lisa!  The down side of course is that this is one of those precious life events Judy will be missing.  I'm sure the fact that Judy is missing will be brought up repeatedly at the communion dinner afterwards.  For my part, I try to stay away from such remarks as I find no consolation in becoming mired in the obvious. 

    Another huge asset I can't overlook has been the unconditional support of our friends and neighbors in the community.  When the babysitter I hired for winter break didn't show up one day, the first family I called went out of their way in accommodating the kids for the day.  One of our other good friends picks my son up from school every Thursday after chess club and drops him off at the after school program.  Yet another family has sent over meals to help give me a night off from cooking.  They have extended a carte blanche for anything we might need.  One thing is for sure, we're not alone in enjoying these seemingly simple yet invaluable favors.  I'm certain every service spouse and their families benefit from this invisible support network.  So much is made of schools, churches, VFW's, etc sending offerings of aid packages and letters of encouragement to our deployed service people overseas.  I would argue the contributions of the folks that look after the families of those service people back home have largely been ignored. These friends, neighbors and family members are the army behind the army.  They're the ones who really deserve a greater thanks than they've been given.

-- Phil Basinski

Comments

[Maryann Waters, FRG 2/101 CAV HHT]

"I'm certain every service spouse and their families benefit from this invisible support network."

You are right about this! I would like to say that NINE Girl Scouts in Newfane NY raised $2000 to support our soldiers over there. NINE girls! Can you believe that??!! They chose our soldiers as their community project. They amazed me! What a wonderful & kind group of girls! THANKS LADIES!

Communities also come together...EVERY single business in Newfane supported these nine girls by providing different items and services to the girls for their raffle tickets. Way to go girls & the Newfane community!

PS - I have cookies from them too! YUM! I have some in the mail already. HAHAHAHA